Having a baby is often a magical experience but it comes with its challenges and can often having a lasting affect on a relationship that is not always positive.  The dynamic between a couple cannot fail to change on the arrival of a baby and it takes some hard work and effort to keep a relationship alive.

The inevitable sleep deprivation that comes with a newborn can make you irritable and turn tasks like household chores and errands into big problems because you have low energy and can’t concentrate. You’ll also have less time for work, for yourself, and for your partner does not always bring out the best in us.  If you are looking for ways to keep the sparkle in a relationship with a baby in tow below are some of our top tips:

Divide and conquer – Often new parents try to do everything together when a baby first arrives.  Ultimately this results in exhaustion for all.  Accept that it is OK to take a break once in a while for both parents.  Allow each other the chance to have some quality time alone without the baby.

Try to avoid competitive misery – Having a new baby is tough for both parents and it is easy to just focus on our own struggles rather than see the bigger picture and it becomes a competition as to who is finding it hardest.  Although it is tough when you are sleep deprived a bit of compassion for the other person goes a long way.

Try and keep your sense of humour and accept that time moves fast – what feels like a huge deal at 4.00am with a screaming baby often feels surmountable the next day.  Those early months with a new born are incredibly  intense but pass before you know if and if you can try and keep some humour between you as a couple this will go a long way.

Talk - having a baby throws up all kinds of issues you may not have been expecting; loss of sex drive, jealously (either from the mum or dad), loss of identity, resentment about lack of independence.  Try to make sure you talk reguarly about such issues and avoid them festering.

Assign roles – mums worldwide have tales of frustration at not getting enough help.  Assign roles about who is going to do what regarding the baby and house hold chores.  Couples and families can reduce stress by taking the time to discuss and agree upon roles, responsibilities, and schedules.

Try and keep some intimacy – although many new mums do not feel like full on sex soon after having a child, it is important for both parents to keep up some intimacy, holding hands, kissing and whatever else you fancy.  When times are hard with a new baby having some physical closeness with your partner can really bring you back together.  Click here to read more about sex after childbirth.

Finding time together – this is a tricky one but really important to try.  Once you feel ready try swapping baby sitting with friends or family to get a bit of quality time as a couple.  I have lost count of the times I have nearly canceled the baby sitter because I have felt so tired only to have gone on to really have enjoyed that time together.  If you can’t get a baby sitter try and have one night a week where you switch the TV/computers off and enjoy a nice meal and a chat.