I’ve lost myself in motherhood. It’s been 4 and a half years since I had a career.  In September my eldest starts school and my youngest starts preschool, more ‘me’ time is winging its way and I have no idea what to do with it.

I’ve been willing this time to come and probably been wishing away moments with my kids which no doubt I’ll regret not cherishing later. Now its here I feel like a rabbit in the headlights, paralysed with fear.

I chose to be at home with my kids till they started school, but it’s not been easy. I miss office banter, drinks after work (that occasionally got messy) and being able to eat my lunch and go to the toilet alone. Being a ‘stay at home mum’ definitely highlighted my desire for adult interaction and I’m so thankful for my mummy friends who’ve helped keep me a float when I’ve been drowning in domesticity.

So who am I now?

I need to find a way to integrate the old me with the new bits I’ve discovered through parenting.

Do I continue where I left off, do I do something different or do I do a bit of both?

Being self employed and having your own business means if you don’t step up to the mark nothing happens. I need to find some motivation and confidence to put myself out there.

I’m embarking on a new journey and taking small steps everyday, the first one was booking on a graduate reunion weekend in September. I may just find some inspiration and come back with some fire in my belly because there’s just embers there right now.